Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize