I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
