I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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