Are we in a gay sports bar?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
