I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
