Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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