Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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