I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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