worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
