This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
