Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up under a house in Key West
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
