I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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