In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
