i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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