take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
