when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
