You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i've created a new STD.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
