8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so let's talk penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you had me at cake vodka
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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