He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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