Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
