Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
