I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
