Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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