She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
