he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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