You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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