My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
