I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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