do herpes really smell.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
