What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
