to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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