If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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