went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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