Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
