if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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