I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
