You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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