Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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