I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
