I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
