I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
