seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
