So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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