I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
