Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
