he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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