If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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