So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
