So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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