so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
