Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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